Sunday, July 12, 2009
Sunday, July 05, 2009
The Mentor Rhombus
I've eaten at the Rhombus in Grand Forks a couple of times. It's a great pizza place. Today I went to the Mentor Location. This is the Rhombus that will deliver a pizza to the boat docks for you.
I already knew that the food here would be good, but I was surprised at how out of place the joint was. There isn't much to the town of Mentor and what there is of it very spread out so every thing seems kind of off by itself.
Rhombus resides in a cool old house. While I was waiting for my food a kid walking in asked her family "who lives here?" "Pizza lives here." was the responce.
The Place is great inside, but I chose to sit on the patio because the perfect weather.
I like the fact that when you sit on the patio you get a view of an old gas station that has a bunch of junk in piled up behind it. It's not gross junk, it's like atmosphere junk.
There is also a bar and liquor store across the street that doesn't have a name. It's just 'Lounge'. Which brings us back to what I like about Rhombus. I don't think it really belongs here. I also don't think it gives a shit. I also think we are all better for it. I had a half CBR ASAP. It's Chicken, Bacon, Tomato and Cheddar ON RANCH. Crazy Good. The other half was The Americana:Beef, Marinara, Bacon, Cheddar, Mozz and Pickles. Delicious. I've never had the same thing twice at Rhombus because there is always something one the menu that I want to try. The crust is hand tossed with a dusting of corn meal underneath. The service was friendly and quick. I can't say enough good stuff about Rhombus.If you don't like it, you're a bad person.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Polk County Fair
I found the fair on accident. I just kind of went for a drive and ended up in Fertil. 
La La's Restaurant makes it's own homemade ice cream and the burger taste like they have never been frozen. There is something home made tasting and looking about the buns, but I can't confirm that. If you end up in Fertile MN Go to LA LA's and eat. Holy crap.
I skipped riding the 'Tilt-a-Copyright-Infringement' but it looked like a fun ride. Here is a mural of 'D3-PSnow' and 'John Solo'
Did Elvis take first place, Yeah, you know what, he sure as hell did. Is it because he's the King? Yeah, actually it is. And He's white. This is kind of a cool tent. There is alway prize winning stuff to eat that you can't eat. They should work on that. You have to make enough for everybody. I don't want to dream about what the Counties best Snickerdoodle broccoli bars taste like, I want to know.
Is a Fair a Fair if you can't touch a weird looking fish that looks like an Alien? not in my book. You can touch a Sting Ray in at the Polk County Fair. You can't pick them up and you can't eat them.
A taco is shaped like a handle. Why would you put it on a stick? It's also concave, like a bag. And finally if you make a taco out of bread then it's a.......sandwich. Right. No longer a taco.
Deep Fried Oreos are Crazy good and obviously very healthy. amazing.
La La's Restaurant makes it's own homemade ice cream and the burger taste like they have never been frozen. There is something home made tasting and looking about the buns, but I can't confirm that. If you end up in Fertile MN Go to LA LA's and eat. Holy crap.
I skipped riding the 'Tilt-a-Copyright-Infringement' but it looked like a fun ride. Here is a mural of 'D3-PSnow' and 'John Solo'
Did Elvis take first place, Yeah, you know what, he sure as hell did. Is it because he's the King? Yeah, actually it is. And He's white. This is kind of a cool tent. There is alway prize winning stuff to eat that you can't eat. They should work on that. You have to make enough for everybody. I don't want to dream about what the Counties best Snickerdoodle broccoli bars taste like, I want to know.
Is a Fair a Fair if you can't touch a weird looking fish that looks like an Alien? not in my book. You can touch a Sting Ray in at the Polk County Fair. You can't pick them up and you can't eat them.
A taco is shaped like a handle. Why would you put it on a stick? It's also concave, like a bag. And finally if you make a taco out of bread then it's a.......sandwich. Right. No longer a taco.
Deep Fried Oreos are Crazy good and obviously very healthy. amazing.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Anti Depressants Bit
This is a bit about Anti Depressants. It's in a response to yet another story about drugs that will either cheer you up or make you eat a shot gun sandwich.
Don't do drugs kids.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/01/chantix-zyban-issued-suic_n_224217.html
The quite smoking drugs might make you kill yourself. The Don’t kill yourself Drugs Might make you kill yourself. Man, it’s rough out there kids. Don’t kill yourself, and don’t take drugs that make you not want to kill yourself. Because they’ll make you kill yourself. Try smoking. Wait, that’ll kill you. Crap.
I just wrote a sketch that was performed by Top Story weekly. Top story chose to make some cuts, This is the original uncut script.
INT: Dr.’s Office
Dr. is seated at desk. Dr. Rises as couple enters.
The quite smoking drugs might make you kill yourself. The Don’t kill yourself Drugs Might make you kill yourself. Man, it’s rough out there kids. Don’t kill yourself, and don’t take drugs that make you not want to kill yourself. Because they’ll make you kill yourself. Try smoking. Wait, that’ll kill you. Crap.
I just wrote a sketch that was performed by Top Story weekly. Top story chose to make some cuts, This is the original uncut script.
INT: Dr.’s Office
Dr. is seated at desk. Dr. Rises as couple enters.
Dr.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith I’ve called you here to discuss your son Dylan.
Mr. Smith
Is there a problem Dr.?
Dr.
Some new test came out recently and it seems that there is a slightly greater risk that the drugs we have your son on could kill him.
Mrs. Smith (slightly panicky)
Oh god! what do you want us to do?
Dr.
This is a delicate situation. You need to weight the annoying-ness of your kid against the deathy-ness of the drug. If he is only kind of annoying we give him placebo with just a pinch of amphetamine to keep him peppy. If hes really bugging the crap out of you we give him some goof balls with a little more “goof” in em.
Mrs. Smith
Doctor we love Dylan, he’s just been acting so strangely lately. We want our son to be healthy and happy. That’s all.
Dr.
We all want what’s best for him. But if we don’t tweak his dope right, he’s gonna start seeing bugs and being all ‘We were someplace around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold’.. Let me try to illustrate this for you.
The Dr. Hands the Smiths a folder with a picture of 12 year old boy some paper work in it.
Dr.
This is Travis, He used to run down the street streaming feces out of his rectum. I, honestly didn’t know you could run and poop at the same time. I thought that was an either or deal. You can, and he does. He’s 12. So we put him on a drug that’s preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeettttty safeish. It’s ups your suicide-y-ness a - smidge and decimates your ability to have feelings a snoodle but other than that hes great. It’s way better than run shitting, right? Totally fair trade off. Sure the kid might eat a double barrel sandwich but your gated community won’t chant “Go Shit racer..Go Go Shit Racer.” Or “look it’s Shit-urcury.” Like the Roman God Mercury, if he shit while he ran.
Mr. Smith
“No, we don’t want our kid called shit-urcury.. Oh, wait a minute, I have a text coming, I’m expecting important news from my job….Oh no, the talks fell apart, they just canceled my health insurance.
Dr. Smith quickly snaps closed the Smiths file
Dr.
The kids fine.
Mrs. Smith
Doctor ?
The Dr. Flips through his charts, opens to a random page, turns the clip board side ways.
Dr.
Oh, yeah darn hand writing, that’s a coma, not a period. I apologize, your kids all good, maybe give him a ball to bounce. Have a great day and stay healthy! Ok, leave now.
Mrs. Smith
But Doctor, the other day I came home and he’d taken all the paper out of the desk and stuffed it into a coffee can lit it on fire.”
Dr.
He’s a fucking kid….come on? Seriously? Ok, you gotta go, outy outy outy. Bye bye.
Mrs. Smith.
Oh, that’s great, what a relief. Our son is healthy and normal
Mr. Smiths receives another text.
Mr. Smith
Oh! How about that! They came to an agreement, just this very second, we still have all our money and insurance and stuff.
Dr. again pretends to flip through clip board.
Dr.
Smith, right? Dylan Smith. Not Dyl-wayne Smith. Oh, I’m gonna give that secretary what for. Your son is...and I mean no hyperbole when I say this, there is a 90% chance our son will hack to pieces in your sleep and have to go to a community college , not the good school drugs would help him get into… You’re gonna want to keep that kid balls deep in goof balls, seriously.
Mr. Smith (leary)
Are you sure this time? You said he was just fine like a second ago.
Dr.
What? I’m sorry, I’m trying to save your kid. Did you have a question? I was just building a future if you have something to say…
Mrs. Smith
Honey, let him talk! This is for our son.
Dr.
Thank you. You’re so wise. We should talk about the fact young Dylan might get wacked out on the stuff I’m prescribing. But only if he doesn’t strictly follow the directions on the bottle. Which he won’t because he’s a kid. Plus, this stuff feels soooo good. It’s like there is a teddy bear hugging you from the inside. But if, well, when he get’s hooked he’s gonna end up strung out like Amy Winehouse. He’ll Start spending a little time at the bus station hustling cash to feed the Ritalin monkey. ( * writers note I would mime a blow job here, but it’s your call.) But don’t worry. We have a good treatment facility. And we have drugs that will get him off the drugs. And we have drugs that will get him off those drugs…. etcetera. . You are in good hands. So relax.
Mr. Smith
This seems worse than the real problem. I mean, he’s a little screwed up, but don’t you think he’ll grow out of it on his own.
Dr.
Did Hitler grow out of it? Did the Octomom Grow out of it? Did…
Mrs. Smith (crying)
No! Hitler didn’t grow out of it.
Mr. Smith
You know what. Fuck this. This is America. We’re going to do what American’s have done for that past 220 years. We are going keep a panty full of mountain dew and we are going to prentend we don’t see the pot resin charred apple stashed in the bottom of the trash. If he’s feels down he will drink a fucking soda, if he’s hyper he will smoke a fucking bowl and if he has some kind of fucking feelings he will either write shitty metal and or hip hop songs about them, or bitch to his girl friend of play some kind of fucking sport. And if that doesn’t cut it he can dabble in Satanism or some fucking shit like every other red blooded American teen ager since the dawn of time! You go to hell. Good Day!
Mr. Smith Storms off stage. Mrs. Smith looks at the Doctor sheepishly. There is an awkward beat.
Dr.
Can you get me some pot?
Mrs. Smith
I’ll trade you for some valium.
Dr.
Sold.
Mrs. Smith begins to dig through her purse and ….black out.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith I’ve called you here to discuss your son Dylan.
Mr. Smith
Is there a problem Dr.?
Dr.
Some new test came out recently and it seems that there is a slightly greater risk that the drugs we have your son on could kill him.
Mrs. Smith (slightly panicky)
Oh god! what do you want us to do?
Dr.
This is a delicate situation. You need to weight the annoying-ness of your kid against the deathy-ness of the drug. If he is only kind of annoying we give him placebo with just a pinch of amphetamine to keep him peppy. If hes really bugging the crap out of you we give him some goof balls with a little more “goof” in em.
Mrs. Smith
Doctor we love Dylan, he’s just been acting so strangely lately. We want our son to be healthy and happy. That’s all.
Dr.
We all want what’s best for him. But if we don’t tweak his dope right, he’s gonna start seeing bugs and being all ‘We were someplace around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold’.. Let me try to illustrate this for you.
The Dr. Hands the Smiths a folder with a picture of 12 year old boy some paper work in it.
Dr.
This is Travis, He used to run down the street streaming feces out of his rectum. I, honestly didn’t know you could run and poop at the same time. I thought that was an either or deal. You can, and he does. He’s 12. So we put him on a drug that’s preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeettttty safeish. It’s ups your suicide-y-ness a - smidge and decimates your ability to have feelings a snoodle but other than that hes great. It’s way better than run shitting, right? Totally fair trade off. Sure the kid might eat a double barrel sandwich but your gated community won’t chant “Go Shit racer..Go Go Shit Racer.” Or “look it’s Shit-urcury.” Like the Roman God Mercury, if he shit while he ran.
Mr. Smith
“No, we don’t want our kid called shit-urcury.. Oh, wait a minute, I have a text coming, I’m expecting important news from my job….Oh no, the talks fell apart, they just canceled my health insurance.
Dr. Smith quickly snaps closed the Smiths file
Dr.
The kids fine.
Mrs. Smith
Doctor ?
The Dr. Flips through his charts, opens to a random page, turns the clip board side ways.
Dr.
Oh, yeah darn hand writing, that’s a coma, not a period. I apologize, your kids all good, maybe give him a ball to bounce. Have a great day and stay healthy! Ok, leave now.
Mrs. Smith
But Doctor, the other day I came home and he’d taken all the paper out of the desk and stuffed it into a coffee can lit it on fire.”
Dr.
He’s a fucking kid….come on? Seriously? Ok, you gotta go, outy outy outy. Bye bye.
Mrs. Smith.
Oh, that’s great, what a relief. Our son is healthy and normal
Mr. Smiths receives another text.
Mr. Smith
Oh! How about that! They came to an agreement, just this very second, we still have all our money and insurance and stuff.
Dr. again pretends to flip through clip board.
Dr.
Smith, right? Dylan Smith. Not Dyl-wayne Smith. Oh, I’m gonna give that secretary what for. Your son is...and I mean no hyperbole when I say this, there is a 90% chance our son will hack to pieces in your sleep and have to go to a community college , not the good school drugs would help him get into… You’re gonna want to keep that kid balls deep in goof balls, seriously.
Mr. Smith (leary)
Are you sure this time? You said he was just fine like a second ago.
Dr.
What? I’m sorry, I’m trying to save your kid. Did you have a question? I was just building a future if you have something to say…
Mrs. Smith
Honey, let him talk! This is for our son.
Dr.
Thank you. You’re so wise. We should talk about the fact young Dylan might get wacked out on the stuff I’m prescribing. But only if he doesn’t strictly follow the directions on the bottle. Which he won’t because he’s a kid. Plus, this stuff feels soooo good. It’s like there is a teddy bear hugging you from the inside. But if, well, when he get’s hooked he’s gonna end up strung out like Amy Winehouse. He’ll Start spending a little time at the bus station hustling cash to feed the Ritalin monkey. ( * writers note I would mime a blow job here, but it’s your call.) But don’t worry. We have a good treatment facility. And we have drugs that will get him off the drugs. And we have drugs that will get him off those drugs…. etcetera. . You are in good hands. So relax.
Mr. Smith
This seems worse than the real problem. I mean, he’s a little screwed up, but don’t you think he’ll grow out of it on his own.
Dr.
Did Hitler grow out of it? Did the Octomom Grow out of it? Did…
Mrs. Smith (crying)
No! Hitler didn’t grow out of it.
Mr. Smith
You know what. Fuck this. This is America. We’re going to do what American’s have done for that past 220 years. We are going keep a panty full of mountain dew and we are going to prentend we don’t see the pot resin charred apple stashed in the bottom of the trash. If he’s feels down he will drink a fucking soda, if he’s hyper he will smoke a fucking bowl and if he has some kind of fucking feelings he will either write shitty metal and or hip hop songs about them, or bitch to his girl friend of play some kind of fucking sport. And if that doesn’t cut it he can dabble in Satanism or some fucking shit like every other red blooded American teen ager since the dawn of time! You go to hell. Good Day!
Mr. Smith Storms off stage. Mrs. Smith looks at the Doctor sheepishly. There is an awkward beat.
Dr.
Can you get me some pot?
Mrs. Smith
I’ll trade you for some valium.
Dr.
Sold.
Mrs. Smith begins to dig through her purse and ….black out.
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
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